Forget to Remember
by SilverSerenity
Summary: An alternate reality with no villains or superheroes. Serena and Darien are married here, but there is a crack in the perfect image. Somehow…they skipped a step. They forgot to remember to fall in love.
1. Prologue

**Forget to Remember**

**Prologue**

AN: I got bored….started scribbling thoughts….we'll see how it goes. This is the prologue, nothing dialogish here….just an introduction to where we are today.

DC: If I can't download it, I can't own it.

**Quick Summary – **An alternate reality with no villains or superheroes. Serena and Darien are married here, but there is a crack in the perfect image. Somehow…they skipped a step. They forgot to remember to fall in love.

**Serena Tsukino** – Suddenly captivated by some whom she used to despise. When did she become so taken with Darien Chiba?

**Darien****Chiba** – Tired of being lonely, tired of searching for that one person. He looks to share part of his life with someone, anyone he could stand to live with for the next 30 years, not necessarily love. He was always so cold. Darien does notice a change in Serena's behavior towards him. He begins to see her in a new light; a light of opportunity. Serena was beautiful, sweet, and amusing. Could she be the one to ease his loneliness?

One day, this opportunity, falls right into his arms. In her usual spouts of clumsiness, she tripped and he was the one to catch her. Serena fell, but more in a figure-of-speech sort of way. Darien was curious about this feeling he got from holding her, however he never considered it that true love feeling. For Darien, he'd never experienced anything close to an intimate relationship, so he just figured that this was a feeling you goy whenever the opposite sex was sinking into your arms. For Serena, it was heaven. And then Darien added to it by kissing her. Now don't get me wrong, Darien wasn't trying to trick her into falling in love with him, he was only testing her susceptibility to the concept. But no matter, that light flutter of a kiss had already caught Serena's heart, and Darien's curiosity.

For the next couple of weeks, Darien continued to test her. Serena was so happy to be with him that she never really noticed the emptiness in his eyes, and Darien never noticed the times that his smile reached his eyes. One evening, while they were watching their Saturday move, Darien made a bold move. He proposed to her. Serena accepted but not for the same reasons that Darien had asked. Serena had dreams of that prefect fairy-tale life. She honestly believed that she could achieve this with Darien. Darien just wanted her permanent company. A month later, they were wed.

The honeymoon was the best week of Serena's life. For this was the only time for a long while that what they shared was real and genuine. He treated her mind and body like it was a shrine, a temple to pay tribute to. But after that week, it was all different. Serena didn't understand. Did he no longer love her? It was then that she realized he never did. It struck her one night while they were making love. It was rough, as if the act annoyed him, like he only considered it an act of duty; like he just wanted to get it over with. His eyes were vacant; he never looked at her, never made any intimate gestures. It was all an in and out procedure and as soon as the act was complete, on his part, he rolled over and went to sleep. He never held and caressed her; she'd never felt so used. What a delusion of grandeur she had had.

Serena was heartbroken for a few weeks, then angry. She considered stopping her birth control and getting pregnant. If he didn't want to love her, she'd make him love something. She immediately abandoned the idea. She would never harbor the idea of a child growing up in a home where there was no love, especially taking into consideration the possibility that Darien wouldn't be able to love the child either. For the next few months, the same situation continued, Serena feeling lower with everyday. The feelings of love she once held for this man turned to feelings of hate and her heart turned to ice. She eventually stopped allowing him to sleep with her. When he questioned her, she simply told him he could do the same by himself. She was hateful and distanced from him, but its not like he didn't merit it.

Darien began to resent her, calling her hateful names…fooling around on her. He began to sleep in another room. Serena didn't care. As far as she was concerned, he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Except divorce her. Serena wouldn't allow a divorce for several reasons. One being, she couldn't disgrace her family. Two, she convinced her father that Darien was a good man, she could never face the embarrassment of hearing I told you so. Three, Darien had money…not a big reason Serena wouldn't divorce him, but she liked the feeling of living comfortably. Four, she never asked him, he never asked her. Five, a small part of her heart didn't want to because it still cared deeply for him. Despite all the hateful things that occurred between them following the first few months of their marriage, Serena still cared. Darien was as cold as ever.

He of course still expected her to be the perfect wife in the public's eyes, since he was aiming to be the head of the hospital, and Serena was. In the public, Serena was loving and supportive, as was Darien. One night he came to her with a proposition. He had been advised that having a child would up his chances. Serena promptly told him to go to hell, that she would never give him a child when he couldn't give her the one thing she desired most. He asked her was it was and how much it cost. She laughed in his face and told him that it couldn't be bought, not even with his money. That it was something that had to be given only by possessing it first. He was incapable of it. She then slammed the door in his face and locked the door. Darien, angry with her response and behavior, went straight to the liquor cabinet. After drinking nearly an entire bottle of Jack, he went to be with one of his whores.

Serena sat in her room, bitter tears falling down her cheeks. How could he be so cold and inconsiderate? And he wondered why she never had anything to do with him anymore. She stared at her reflection in the mirror. There were shadows underneath in her face and wrinkles were making their early scratches at the corners of her eyes. She'd wasted 5 years on this loveless marriage, and it showed on her badly. She was nearly in her 30s, with nothing good to show from it. She considered divorcing him then, that no amount of love could encompass the hole he'd already stabbed in her heart. It was then that the phone rang. Darien had been in an accident. He'd wrapped his car around a tree.

AN: I do hope that this does intrigue you….at least enough to ask will they ever get back together. The first chapter will be normal, present day like. I hope you enjoyed reading this as I enjoyed writing it. I compromised with the names….I wanted to make it American since I'm American and know hardly anything about the Japanese culture. But I wanted to keep the Japanese aspect…so I will use their dub names and Japanese names.


	2. Chapter 1

**Forget to Remember**

**Chapter one**

DC: …..sigh…don't own it

"Accident?" Serena sputtered into the receiver.

"Mr. Chiba has wrapped his car around a tree.." The doctor murmured.

"Is he…." She dropped off

"He's stable, only a mild concussion. He's very lucky—"

"I'll be right there!" Serena said as she slammed the phone down and grabbed her keys. She knew she looked horrible, but she didn't care.

Serena arrived at the hospital, and was told minor details. Darien was extremely lucky to be alive, even luckier he wasn't injured too bad. For three days, he lay in a coma. The doctors reassured her that he would wake soon, that his body was just recuperating. For three days she sat in that chair, silent tears falling down her cheeks. He looked so innocent and childish in his sleep, that she wondered how she ever could have hated him. For those three days, it rained.

Serena was finally convinced to go home and shower and rest in her bed. But she didn't sleep. Constant thoughts swarmed her brain of when he would awaken. Would he be different? Would he still be an arrogant jackass? Only time would tell. Her heart nearly leapt out of her chest when the phone rang telling her that he had awoken.

The nurses were full of chatter around his room. She smiled vaguely when she heard mentions of how handsome he was and how lucky his wife was. "If only they knew" she thought sadly. But she then frowned at the whispers of how such a terrible thing could happen now. She was very confused. She was about to go into his room when the doctor stopped her.

"Mrs. Chiba, I need to relay some information to you before you go in there." The doctor said.

"What's going on?" asked Serena, very confused.

"He's awakened, but…..he has no recollection of anything."

Serena's body went cold. "He has amnesia?"

"I'm afraid so……"

Serena's eyes began to flutter as if she were very worried.

"Don't worry Mrs. Chiba, we have much reason to believe that it's short-term, and one day he'll snap out of it."

His words were lost on her as she burst into the room, tears already brimming her eyes. How could he not remember her? She'd rather he hate her than not even know her!

Darien was startled and looked up at his guest. "Hi" he whispered.

Serena opened her mouth to speak, but her throat constricted.

Darien saw pain in her eyes. Whoever she was, she must have been important to him. She was very beautiful. "I wish I could remember you" he said softly.

At his last words, Serena closed her eyes shut and coughed back a fit of tears. She fumbled for the door handle and fled from the room. The doctor was waiting right there for her.

"Please don't worry Mrs. Chiba. Situations like these are very common. It could last for a day to a week…to months."

"What if he never remembers?" Serena choked

"There is always that possibility, but we really don't think that is the case. He will probably get broken fragments of memory…and its possible that the day he gets his memory back…"

"What?" she demanded.

"He won't remember any of his amnesia."

"So it could be like he never would remember the crash?"

"He'll simply forget to remember."

It was conveyed to Serena that Darien would be released to go home the next morning, and she was asked to gather some clothes for him. She would rather have not, she hadn't been invited in Darien's room for at least two years….who knew what he did in here. Upon looking in his underwear drawer, she grew hot with a mix of embarrassment and anger. There had to be at least two boxes of condoms here. "Well…better he's safe than sorry." She said dryly as she grabbed whatever it was on top and slammed the drawer shut. For a split second her mind began to turn. Darien wouldn't remember his scandalous life. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he had felt something about her in the hospital room. She'd have to be careful…her heart had already been broken by him once, she wouldn't allow it to happen again.

Darien sat in his room, silent, alone. He asked one of the nurses who the young woman was that fled his room. "Why that was your wife!" she chided him, fluffed his pillow and left him alone to think about it. No wonder he felt a slight beat in his heart to look at her. They must have been very much in love, if for the thought that he couldn't remember made her so sad. He was told that she would return soon with his clothes so she could take him home. He was very curious to know her now, so he sat and waited for her return.

It was close to midnight before Serena came back to his room. She was trying to put it off as much as she could, but decided she could avoid it no longer. She silently entered his room, careful not to wake him as she saw his eyes clothes. She dropped his bag of clothes by the closet and went into the bathroom.

Darien's eyes fluttered open at the noise. He must have fallen asleep while waiting for Serena, by looking at the clock, it was almost 12! He heard the bathroom door creak open and for a split second, he silhouette was bathed in light, making her look like some sort of angel. She took his breath away. He meant to close his eyes again before she saw he was awake, but didn't get the chance.

Serena was startled to see him staring at her. Feeling suddenly small beneath his penetrating gaze, she drew her light jacket tighter around her body and went to sit in the chair. She knew she wouldn't sleep, but she'd rather just close her eyes then see him all night.

The room was quiet for a couple of minutes until Darien spoke, causing her to lift her head and look at him.

"Why didn't you come sooner?" he asked, his feelings obviously hurt.

Serena winced inwardly at the look in his eyes. "I didn't think you'd be so anxiously waiting for my return."

"Why wouldn't I be? You're my wife…?" he said, a little unsure, as if he were still testing the phrase out in his own mind.

Serena scoffed at his comment and turned back at the window. It was still raining.

Darien was even more confused. "You are so beautiful, I must have worshipped you…"

"Darien…don't!" she said, stopping his comments dead cold. "The doctors said you should gain your memory back shortly, you'd die laughing at the comments you are telling me now."

"I don't understand…." Darien asked

"Darien, you aren't a loving husband anymore than I'm a loving wife…" she said and thought "At least I used to be before you turned jackass.". "You hate and resent me, and I despise you." She added then softened at the sight of his hurt expression. "The doctors told me that you probably won't remember any of this anyway, so I think it best that we just keep our distance….I don't want to get hurt again." She softly added as she turned her head back into her pillow.

Darien continued to stare at her in disbelief. He couldn't imagine him not loving this beautiful creature. He could tell by her reaction that he hadn't, and had hurt her very much. He opened his mouth to speak again and immediately closed it again. He had many questions to ask her, but this was neither the time nor the place. He would ask her soon enough.

Serena helped him into the car, still silent. Darien hated this silence. He was brimming with so many questions….he didn't want to bring up bad memories for her, but he just had to know. "Serena, why do we hate each other?" he asked.

Serena sighed and slumped back in the seat. "I guess you are just determined to know. Well, it wasn't always like this. In the beginning, I loved you very much. I just knew you were that knight in shining armor who had come to rescue me. But for you, I was just permanent company, someone to ease your loneliness. You never loved me, you were just indifferent. Then as the weeks turned into months, I would no longer sleep with you because it hurt me too much to feel so used. You began to resent me, you'd sleep in another room. Then you began to hate me, you'd wave your whores in my face like it was a trophy."

"Whores?" he choked and looked out his window, his mind processing the knowledge he'd recently gained. If he cheated… "did you…." He couldn't bring himself to complete the sentence.

"No, I never was unfaithful. You were always the one for me Darien, even if you didn't know it. It would break my heart more to be with someone else then to be with no one." She said.

"So that's why you never divorced me?"

She was silent for a long while before she spoke. "I never asked you for a divorce, because I didn't want one. My mother always told me to have faith and never give up. I guess the young foolish romantic was always hoping that one day you'd wake up and realize…." She dropped off.

Darien took a deep breath and reached out his hand. "I'm sorry…."

"Don't be sorry…if you were your old self, you'd have no regrets. And one day you'll be your old self again…and I won't allow myself to get taken into a hopeful dream." She said as she wrenched her hand from his.

Darien sat in silence the rest of the ride, his mind going in so many different directions. Serena still loved him, he'd just never fell in love with her. Somehow…he'd make it all right again. Somehow…but Darien didn't think for a moment that the rights he would make while he was in a dream state of his amnesia, would be long forgotten the day he finally woke up from it.

AN: Ok bad news. My Internet is getting cut off tonight cause I'm moving next weekend. I won't have it back until I can put it in my name, which I will have to get a checking account first. So it could be a month or more in the _least_ before I update _anything_. I'm sorry this chapter is so short, but I've got to make some calls and then I have officially signed off. I will anxiously await the day I come back to read all of your thoughts here. Until then, **Au revoir (goodbye)****Lorraine aka SilverSerenity**


	3. Chapter 2

**Forget to Remember**

**Chapter Two**

**Disclaimer: **The royalty checks never come…so I guess that means I don't own it. Mores the pity.

**AN**: Oh my it's been so long since I've had to write a disclaimer or anything like that…I really do miss this. So SilverSerenity, where have you been? In short…I just haven't been in a writing mood. I tried my hand at NanoWrimo and you can see what little I did in my newest story. Don't get me wrong, I plan to finish it AND make it a novel…just at a much slower pace. I know you can wait because I've waited a long time before. I'm going to try my best to make my chapters longer and more novel like because my dream one day is to be a best-selling romance novel. Imagine, you could say you read my first tries and saw how horrible they all were lol. Anyway, I started working on this chapter on 1/23/07 at 11:20 pm. Let's see how long it takes me to submit it. No less than 4000 words a chapter Lorraine, or you are gonna kick your own butt. But this chapter will probably have less than that because I want to give you guys a fresh taste to know I'm not dead haha. But I promise after this one they will be longer. At least 5 pages, no less. Oh and also to Serenathy, you asked me two questions. The amnesia thing…I've read cases where they remember everything from before and during the amnesia and I've read cases where the time of the amnesia was completely erased. So I guess it's case to case basis. But for this story, I want him to forget lol. And the phrase 'wrapped his car around a tree' simply means that they hit a tree head on so hard that whatever hit it has actually molded to the tree. I can't think of how to describe it any other way. Haha nearly 300 words already. Ok I'm gonna stop talking and write. I hope you guys like it and find it worth the wait!

**Brief Recap**: Serena and Darien have left the hospital and Darien has asked Serena a few questions. The chapter ends with Darien resolving with himself to make things right, even though he might forget it all when he finally remembers. This chapter will start with them arriving at home.

"We're here." Serena finally spoke up as they pulled into the gravel driveway, the rocks crunching underneath the tires. She parked her car inside the garage and shut off the engine. Her car was simple and inexpensive. A black 2006 Jetta, which was very modest compared to what was left of Darien's Mercedes. She hurriedly came around to the other side of the car to help Darien out. The doctor told her that he would be bruised and scraped up for a little bit but nothing was broken. But he wasn't to do any strenuous activity or his bruised ribs could very well crack and potentially puncture a lung. She was also advised to pick up his prescriptions after she took him home because he needed to rest. Too much excitement could cause him discomfort from his head injury.

She took him by the arm and gently tugged him up, encouraging him to wrap his arms around her neck for support. She knew it must hurt to move because of his bruises. "Alright so far?" She asked him as they slowly straightened up and she got him to put some of his weight on the vehicle. When he nodded, though his teeth were grinding most likely from the pain, Serena secured him on his own feet and then went to the side door to unlock the house so they could enter.

The rehab center of the hospital had given them a cane for him to use to help him walk. Although none of his bones were broken, his right thigh muscle would be sore for a little while and he didn't need to put all of his weight on it. He slowly started to make his way to the steps without Serena's help, not wanting to look like an invalid in front of her. "I got it." He said quickly when she started to return to help him. But instead she just held the door open for him to pass through. He watched her go back outside to get the bag of his recovered belongings and shut the car door. He wondered what she was thinking. Did she think he was a burden? Would she take care of him? Would she think him weak because he couldn't take care of himself as much as he should? Dozens of questions were running through his head as he watched her come back in and sit the bag on the counter. For the first time, he looked around the kitchen. It looked homey and inviting. A woman's touch most definitely had a hand in the decorations. But it was almost as if she could read his thoughts when she spoke.

"I decorated the house, all except for your rooms. Rooms I use, I told you flat out that they'd look the way I wanted them. You never argued or tried to change things either. I don't know why. My thought was just that you didn't care either way. And when co-workers came over to eat, they'd expect me to be the perfect little wife with everything looking like I lived here. But the why didn't bother me. This is my dream home." She ended with a sigh. And it was. In her youth, she used to cut out pictures of home and interior magazines as well as bridal and fashion magazines and she had a large scrapbook, somewhere in the attic here of course. But in it she had saved bits of things she had always loved and when they got married, she pulled it out and started to design the house. She would often ask him for his input in the beginning when she thought he actually cared. But it became her passion regardless. "I do interior decorating by the way, if you might have been wondering. I'm not a stay at home wife." She said dryly as she hung her keys up on the key rack by the backdoor.

"No, I wouldn't have pegged you as a doormat." He said softly though it gained a sour look from Serena.

"Then you'd be surprised at how much of a doormat I was for a little while years ago." She spat as she started to leave the room. "Come on, I'll show you to your room. You need to rest while I go get your prescriptions." She said as she lead him towards the stairs. "We'll have to work together here for a little while." She said lightly as she took him by the arm and started to gently pull him up the stairs. She knew it hurt him, she could tell by his breathing. For a moment she wished that they had bedrooms on the first floor. She thought of his study, but shook away the thought. That leather couch, not to mention how many bodily fluids were on it, was not a proper bed for someone in his condition.

Darien felt like his limbs and lungs were on fire. The doctors told him that the smoke had damaged his lungs and that it would take a while for them to heal properly. In the meantime, he'd probably feel like he had acid reflux when he exerted himself. He was advised to stay away from spicy foods. When they reached the top of the stairs, he just put all his weight on her for a moment and rested. "I hope I don't have to do that a lot." He wheezed.

"Well I don't think you'll be leaving the house a lot for a while, so you'll be on bed rest for a few weeks. By then maybe your muscles and lungs will have healed some." She said reassuringly as she rubbed his back. There was sweat along his brow and his face was flushed. "Come on, just a little further. You need to lie down." She said as she tugged him further towards his room.

"We don't share a room?" He asked cautiously, hoping that she would tell them that they did. How could he get to know her and make things better if she wouldn't spend any time with him? Of course he was sure she didn't want to spend any time with him.

"Darien, we haven't shared a room in almost four years now." She said softly as she opened his door. Luckily, the man she was married to was neat and meticulous. His room was in perfect order and almost looked as if no one lived there at all. The colors of it were dark blacks, browns, and blues; it was clearly a bachelor's room. "You moved out. Or well, I told you to move out. You obliged and moved across the hall." She explained as she led him to the bed. After he sat down and situated himself in a relaxed position, Serena went into the bathroom to get him a glass of water to help him cool down.

"Why did you want to stay in the room? I mean, why didn't you move out? Doesn't the room have bad memories for you?" He called to her, his curiosity piqued.

"Well, it was my room." She said with a shrug as she returned. But she knew that answer wouldn't be enough for him so she handed him the glass of water and while he sipped on it, she took a damp cloth and dabbed at his forehead. "When we first got married, that was the room I started to decorate first. It was the only room that you actually gave input on. When I decorated this room, everything was still OK and nothing had broken just yet. I cherished that room because I felt like I had a part of you in the paint, in the carpet, in the paintings on the wall. We decorated it together, and in that room was the last time we were together. I couldn't give that up, even if I had to take bad memories with the good ones." She explained as she sat down on the edge of the bed. She didn't know why she was telling him this. The real Darien wouldn't care to know. Perhaps it was because this wasn't Darien, this was someone knew. An exchange visitor who was taking Darien's place until it was time for him to return.

Darien found it all so fascinating and hearing her speak such deep words just made her all the more beautiful. He still couldn't fathom how he could have been married to this woman for…how long had they been married? "Serena, how old are you? And…how old am I?" He suddenly asked.

Serena raised an eyebrow and couldn't help but give a little smile. "My, a gentleman never asks a lady her age." She said with a chuckle. "I'm twenty-seven. You are thirty-three. We've been married five years. I was twenty-two, you were twenty-eight." She added for good measure because she knew those would be questions that would eventually come.

"Do you have pictures of us, when everything was happy?" He asked, his eyes hopeful.

Serena paused. This was dangerous. He wanted to see pictures of them when she thought everything was perfect? Why? "Why Darien? What good could it possibly do?" Se said, distance in her voice again. She didn't want him trying to weasel back into her heart. Not when one day he'd wake up and not remember it at all.

"Please? I just want to look at them. You can't fathom how frustrating it is not to remember anything, even if the memories aren't so good. I don't know why I've treated you so horribly Serena and I know that I can't change the past. But what could it possibly hurt?" He ended, countering her own question. He wanted to see her happy and blissfully in love. It might give him an advantage, showing him what exactly made her happy. "Please?" He asked again.

Serena chewed her lip as she thought it over. It could hurt her in the end. She hadn't looked at the album of them in a long time. Of course she'd add pictures of them taken at functions to it, but she didn't _look_ at it. He'd have questions from looking at it, she just knew he would. But it would keep him busy while she ran errands. "Alright. You can look at it while I'm gone. But don't get any ideas. You are right Darien, you can't change the past. And don't try to distort the present either." She said as she left the room to go downstairs to where the albums were stored. She scanned the shelves, her eyes being drawn to the white album with the green ivy pattern down the side. It had been so long since she'd taken it out and really looked through it. She used to do it often years ago. It gave her hope for the future, but these days all it did was give her depression.

With a sigh she didn't give a second thought to the book as she ripped it from the shelf. If Darien wanted to look at the pictures, well she couldn't stop him. He'd eventually find the album anyway if he was so determined. And she promised herself she would never hide them. They were always in public eye in the hope that Darien might pull it out himself and look it over. She trudged back up the stairs and into his room.

Darien was lost in thought when she returned. His head immediately snapped back up when he heard her enter and his eyes fell on the book in her hand. It was large and looked to be nearly full. "That looks like a lot of pictures." He idly commented.

"Well…it's pictures from the last five years, plus when we dated. So it's rather small for the amount of time considering. Some are recent, taken at social gatherings when we played a charade. But every picture that ever had the two of us in it is in there. Dates and descriptions are written on the back of the pictures too. I'm organized when it comes to things like that." She said as she laid the book on his nightstand and found a piece of paper on his desk. "Now, I'm going to run a few errands. I've got to go to the pharmacy to get your prescriptions and pick up something for dinner. So I'll be back in a few hours at most. Here's my cell phone number should you need to reach me." She said as she brought the cordless phone along with the piece of paper to sit within his reach. "And you are not to leave this room while I'm gone. You aren't in any condition to be moving about so freely, so please just get some rest. When I get back I'll find your laptop and then you can at least play on the Internet while you recover." She said as she looked around the room to see if she had forgotten anything. But she had no other reasons to linger any longer. But she did something she didn't expect to as she was leaving. She knelt down and kissed his forehead. "I'll be home soon." She reassured him with a tousle of his hair before she turned and left the room, not giving him any chance to respond.

It amazed Darien that she actually bent down and kissed his forehead. He wasn't expecting that much of her, at least not yet. He picked up the album and turned to the first page. There was a photo strip of the two of them in a photo booth taken what looked like several years ago. He could tell in the pictures that she was deep in love; how could he have been such an inconsiderate fool to lose her? No, he was going to win her heart again, because this time, he'd been first to lose his to her.

**AN:** Like I said, this chapter will be shorter compared to the future ones. But I hope this was enough to appease your thirst for angsty romance. Stay tuned for more! Hopefully it won't take me a year to update again XD.


	4. Chapter 3

**Forget To Remember**

**Chapter 3**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Sailor Moon or the characters.

**AN**: Ok, so rather than a year, 6 months. Well, that's better than a year? And I can't say I've been writing all this time, that would be a lie. But I have had a mess of unfortunate events this year. My stepmother passed away in April after a long battle with cancer. My computer died around that same time too. Power surge, melted my motherboard or something. So I am working on a brand new Acer Aspire 3680 and I HATE Vista. I wouldn't hate it anymore if I had enough RAM (I'm broke now, can't afford to buy anymore. My bank account reads..3 dollars. Heh.). But that's another rant. So anyway, I really want to finish this story because I know what it's like to wait years for updates. I don't want to do that to you. Never think that my stories will go unfinished. So I've got my headphones on and Avril Lavigne is blaring out through them, you will get your chapter tonight.

**Brief Recap**: Darien is looking through a photo album of their life together while Serena has gone to get his pain prescriptions filled. Darien is determined to make things right and Serena is determined to put an extra barrier on her heart against him.

* * *

Darien was looking through the photo album with frustration. He started at the beginning, hoping he could jog a happy memory from one of the photographs but nothing was happening. He desperately wanted to remember those moments, he felt that it was important towards Serena's heart. And the moments looked so special. There was one where they had taken some kind of boat ride and she was trying to reel in a fish wearing a bikini. He laughed at the expression on her face, he could tell that she was such a good person and he'd smothered that in her. If he could meet himself, he'd punch him in the face.

He sighed and shut the album. He was giving himself a headache and he had no idea when Serena would be back with his pills. He wished he wasn't so sore, this would be a great opportunity to try to see Serena's world when she wasn't here, watching him. He didn't mean to go through her things, but to just observe what she enjoyed. But he could take a moment to go through _his_ things. Serena hated him, odds are he would find somethings in here that would give her cause to.

Slowly, he sat up and reached for his cane. Gritting his teeth, he stood up despite the pain and slowly walked over to his dresser. What kind of clothes did he wear? What cologne did he wear? He knew he was a doctor, but did he own anything like jeans and tshirts?

He opened the first drawer that seemed to house random things. There was a box of expensive looking pens and some kind of notebook. He pulled the notebook up and turned it to a random page. There were numbers written down with with looked like women's names besides them. His little black book? He tossed it back in the drawer, making a mental note that he would burn it later, and started to rummage deeper. He blanched when he found a roll of ribbed condoms. He knew that he and Serena hadn't had sex in years, so these weren't for her. He felt even more disgusted when he found a stack of pictures of scantily clad women and him. Did he have such little taste?

He slammed the drawer and was hit with a wave of nausea. He briefly recalled the doctor telling him that pain could make you sick on your stomach, and he barely made it to the bathroom before the contents of his stomach made their exit. Of course, there wasn't much; it was mostly dry heaves. But it was enough to exhaust him.

He slowly dropped to the floor beside the toilet and rested his head against the wall as the pain eased. He didn't have the energy to get back up and make it to the bed, he'd have to stay here until Serena got back. He couldn't help but smile at the thought that she'd have carry him back to bed, even if it was figuratively.

* * *

Serena stood in the long grocery line. It seemed like everyone had decided to crowd into the 20 items or less line with more than that. Of course, they'd never tell you to get in another line. Why can't they hold up their policies?

She was starting to get a nagging headache that was a direct result from having to deal with the pharmacist who thought the prescription was wrong. It took twenty minutes to get the doctor on the phone to tell the girl to just give her the damn pills.

They'd given her tylenol3 for his pain and ambien in case he had trouble sleeping. The doctor said he might have nightmares, it was common with patients who'd dealt with fire. They'd kept from Darien that his car was on fire and it had nearly gotten to him before help came and put it out.

Finally she'd gotten up to the registered and put her items on the conveyor belt. She was going to fix spaghetti because it was quick and easy, and Darien had liked her spaghetti years ago even though he hadn't eaten any of her cooking in years. It was kind of lonely, cooking for yourself. She felt somewhat excited that she'd be cooking for someone else for a little while.

She paid for the groceries and quickly headed back to her car. She felt like she'd been gone too long and hoped that Darien was OK. He hadn't called her, maybe he had fallen asleep. She got in the car and hurried home.

* * *

She put the groceries away and headed upstairs to see how Darien was doing. If he had fallen asleep, she was loathe to wake him but when she walked into the bedroom, she found he was not in his bed or anywhere near it. "Darien?" She called, getting slightly worried. She hadn't seen him downstairs, she knew he wouldn't try to go down the stairs on his own. "Darien?" She called again, her voice becoming frantic. She heard a groan coming from the bathroom and was shocked to see him lying on the floor.

"Darien! What's happened?" She nearly shrieked as she tossed the pills on the counter and knelt down beside him, instantly pressing her hand to his forehead to see if he was feverish.

Darien didn't want to tell her about him going through his drawers and finding all that dirty linen. "I felt sick to my stomach, probably from exerting myself. I vomited and stayed here. I knew you'd be home soon to take care of me." He softly as he leaned into her a little bit.

Serena wasn't sure what to say to that last comment. She would take care of him until he was able to do more things for himself, but he made it sound like she would be there for him every waking moment. "You know, I do work. We may have to get a nurse to come and help out while I'm working on this next project." She said as she helped him up and started to lead him back to the bed.

"No, I don't want some stranger taking care of me. I want you Serena." He said, sounding like he was pouting.

Serena snorted. "Darien, I'm a stranger. Recall that you don't remember me at all?"

"That may be, but you know me. I may not remember you now, but somewhere in my mind, I remember your smile, your laugh, your heart, your body." He said the last as his hands glided down her sides as he lowered himself back onto the bed.

Serena ignored the longing in his voice. Ok, so he was horny for her? Not surprising. "Those memories are so old that I doubt you would even remember then when you were yourself. And don't think that you are going to seduce me. It's not going to happen. Now, I want you to take this pill and actually sleep in this bed." She said as she went back into the bathroom and came back with a tylenol3. She had the prescription bag tucked under her arm, she knew that it was easy to get addicted to these kinds of pills. She'd administer them and he'd have no access to the bottles.

Darien sighed as he took the pill and swallowed it down with the rest of the water in the glass she had left earlier. "What about dinner?" He asked her.

"It's only 3, if you are hungry now I can bring you a sandwich. Otherwise, I'll start cooking at 6 or 7, depending on if you are in a deep sleep or not. Spaghetti." She told him the menu before he could ask.

"I always loved your spaghetti." He murmured as he lowered himself into the pillows and closed his eyes.

Serena stared at him for several moments, digesting what he'd said. Either he was just commenting on something he think he might say, or he remembered something that even the old Darien wouldn't admit. Either way, it made her smile and grow warm inside.

She paused at the bedroom and turned back to him. "Darien, you wouldn't remember my heart even if you tried. I gave it to you, but you never took it. Just thought you should know." She said softly before closing the door with a soft click and leaving him alone.

Darien's eyes fluttered open with a frown. Yes, her heart was broken and what was worse is that he'd done it. He'd have to use his time wisely. Once he was able to move about on his own with minimal discomfort, she wouldn't spend so much time with him.

* * *

Serena had brought him up a tray since she knew that he wouldn't be coming down the stairs for a while. "Now, you don't have to eat it all. Just eat what you can. You've been eating crappy hospital food for the past few days, you need something real." She said with a laugh.

She sat the tray on the nightstand and helped him sit up with a pillow at his back. She tucked a long napkin into his shirt as well because she knew how you could sling sauce when you ate spaghetti.

"It smells delicious. You used to cook a lot for us, didn't you?" He asked her as he dug into the bowl.

"Well, yes. You were working so hard in med school and interning, I always had a hot meal for you when you were able to eat. But once we stopped being together, you always ate out and I cooked for one. At first, I would leave you a plate of whatever it was that I made. But you'd never eat them. I took it as an insult, thinking that you thought I'd poison you or something. So I stopped. This is the first time you've eaten anything I've cooked in four years." She said with some astonishment.

"You haven't poisoned it, have you?" He teased her, causing her to laugh and shake her head no. "Have I told you that I'm sorry I'm such an asshole?" He asked her as he twirled some noodles around his fork.

"Oh Darien, it doesn't matter. You feel remorse now because you don't remember the hatred. Besides, you've tried it before." She said with a faraway look, remembering something of the past.

"I apologized before?"

"It was about two months after I'd kicked you out. I guess you'd realized that you'd catch more flies with honey than vinegar. You came to me one night, on your knees, begging me to forgive you. You seemed so sincere. Of course I forgave you with open arms. That night you put extra effort into our lovemaking, and the next few nights as well. You showed me affection, took me out to dinner, bought me nice things. But then you got sloppy. I saw you one night with some woman. When I confronted you about it, you turned cold and told me that it was too much effort to keep me happy and that you'd just assume not try anymore. So you'll understand why apologies don't mean so much to me anymore from you." She said, pulling her knees up to her chest in the arm chair she was sitting in.

Darien was silent as he thought this over. Why couldn't he have seen that he held a gem in his hands? Was he such an immature prick those years ago that he couldn't stand to see her happy while he was still so empty inside?

He looked down at his half-eaten plate and suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. Hearing about his actions took his appetite away. "I think I'm done." He said as he pulled his napkin from his shirt and crumpled it up on the plate.

"You sure?" She asked as she stood up to get his plate. At his nod she took his plate and balanced it on her hip. "You'll probably want a shower and then another pill for bed. The doctor said that you'd probably get stiff at night and would need to have some kind of exercise in the morning. But taking a pill before you go to bed would help with the pain in the morning." She chattered. "I'll be back to help you into the bathroom."

Darien was still silent through her chatter, thinking that she might now be numb. She could talk about the painful things of their past without even shedding a tear or a wavering voice. Well, he'd just have to quit bringing up the past and doing his best to make her only see the present

* * *

Well, Serena wasn't all calm and collected. Telling Darien about that event really made her ache inside at the foolishness of her actions. She'd taken him back that night without even an ounce of consideration. She still believed in fairytales then and that like a butterfly you let go, if it comes back, then it's yours. She'd let him go and he came back. How naive she'd been.

But she didn't cry, even though she felt them gathering. Instead, she toughened up and hardened her heart a little more against him. She'd fallen for a false hope once, she wouldn't again.

* * *

She walked back up the stairs and into his bedroom. He was sitting there waiting for her with this expectant look on his face.

"So tell me, just how are you going to help me with my shower?" He asked her curiously.

"I'm not giving you a sponge bath if that's what you are asking." She snorted as she dug some pajama pants and a t-shirt from his dresser. "I will help you into the bathroom, and help you back to bed once you are showered and dressed. Don't expect anymore than that."

Well, Darien couldn't say that he wasn't disappointed, but he knew he shouldn't have expected anymore than that. "Alright, well let's get me up and in there then." He said as he reached for his cane and slowly pulled himself off the bed.

"Well, don't get over excited." She said as she hurriedly walked over to help him. Together they made it into the bathroom where she got him balanced by the shower door and then left him to get him a clean towel and his clothes where he could reach them easily when he was done. By the time she had come back, he had already pulled his shirt off. "Alright, looks like you are all set. So call me when you are ready to come back to bed. I'll be in the bedroom." She said as she walked from the room, pulling the door to but leaving it ajar so she could hear him.

Darien sighed as he unfastened his jeans but almost lost his breath at the shot of pain he got when he tried to bend down to pull them off. He straightened back up, and then tried again. Still hurt like hell. He tried again to see if he could pinpoint the pain, and it was in his back. He wasn't going to be able to bend down, at least not right now. "Serena?" He called hesitantly. He really needed her help, or he'd be taking a shower in his jeans and sleeping in them too.

Now Serena knew he couldn't be done that soon, she hadn't even heard the shower. "What is it?"

"I need your help."

He sounded embarrassed. She felt dread. Slowly she walked back into the bathroom and took note that he still had his pants on, but they were unfastened. "Yes?"

"I...can't get my pants off. It hurts too much to bend down." He said.

"You have got to be kidding me." She said, but knew that he wasn't by the expression on his face. He was genuine. She sighed. She was a big girl, she'd see the male anatomy before, his at that. "Alright." She said, but instead of going in front of him, she went behind him and gripped his pants and boxer briefs from the side and tugged them down. She kept her face turned to the side so that she wouldn't be staring at his rear-end while she completed her task. "Step out of them." She said as she stood up and gripped his arms so that he wouldn't stumble forward or trip.

She then stepped in front of him and slid open the shower door and turned the water on, getting it at the right temperature. "Alright, have at it." But she couldn't get out of the bathroom fast enough.

"You know that you'll have to help me get dressed too, right? If I can't get them off, I sure as hell can't get them on." He said before he stepped into the spray and shut the door.

She groaned but returned to sit on the toilet to await him. "How will you manage to wash your legs?" She called out, feeling somewhat miffed that he'd be able to do that but couldn't manage to get his pants off or on.

"I'll just let the soap run down them and reach what I can. It's not like I'm filthy." He drolled, feeling some kind of satisfaction in the situation.

"Yeah well, I'm sure by tomorrow night you'll be better and won't need my help."

"Maybe."

Nothing else was said for a while. Darien always took long showers, spending fifteen minutes at least. "I'm coming out." He called, giving her fair warning as the shower was cut off and the door slid open and he stood there in his soaking wet, naked glory.

OK she looked! But honestly she couldn't help it. It was like it drew your attention, being at the center of a man's body and just hanging out. She also didn't catch Darien's smile when he noticed that she did. But she quickly caught herself and handed him a towel.

"Think you can help me dry my legs off?" He asked her innocently.

She wanted to glare at him, he knew that she didn't want to be this close to him. It was as if he knew that being near him stirred feelings she thought were long dead. But she also knew that she was an adult, she needed to act like one. She took the towel and quickly dried off his lower back and went down the back of his legs and back up the front, coming to the apex of his thighs and quickly glancing the towel over the area. She hoped she was mechanical in the act and detached. She wouldn't be able to face him if he suddenly got an erection from the contact.

It all looked to be fine as she rolled the legs of his pants up for him to step into and still no problem as he put his hands and weight on her shoulders so she could pull them up. She realized the eroticism in the act and knew that she could easily have seduced him in such a state. But it wasn't that she knew she could that had warning bells going off in her head, it was that she wanted to. She said a silent prayer in that moment that the next night, he wouldn't need her help like this anymore.

After that, he got his shirt on by himself and she helped him to the sink so he could brush his teeth. "All set?" She asked him. He nodded and together they got him back into bed and tucked beneath the covers. "Do you want to watch TV for a little while or do you think you'll fall asleep?" She asked him as she went to get him a glass of water so he could take his pill.

"No, I think I'll just go to sleep. The body heals better when it's hibernating." He said as he smoothed the coverlet.

"Is the doctor coming out in you?" She teased as she handed him his pill and the glass of water.

"Maybe." He chuckled and handed her back the water after swallowing it. She set it on the nightstand, probably for him to have in case he woke up and was thirsty. He remembered a habit of that, of waking up in the middle of the night and needing to drink something. So he kept a glass of water by the bed. She remembered. "Thank you Serena." He said as he settled into the pillows.

"Anytime." She said with a genuine smile. "Should you need me, just call out. I'll keep my door ajar so that I can hear and I'll keep yours ajar, unless you object?" She asked.

"No, no objections. The closer I can be to you, the better I'll be." He said with closed eyes.

His statement made her feel a little uneasy but she brushed it off. She turned off the bedroom light so that she was only a silhouette in the doorway. "Goodnight Darien." She said before pull it to.

"Goodnight my love." He said softly but she didn't hear it. She had already walked away.

* * *

_It was so dark and cold but there was this odd blazing of heat coming from behind his head. His head. It was wet and sticky and hurt like hell. But the heat, it was getting closer. He could see the flames, they were licking at his arms. He tried to swipe at them, but it wasn't working. They were just getting bigger. They were nearing his head now and he could see them in front of him. He thought that this was hell. That he had died and had gone there because of all the horrible things he'd done to Serena. Oh God, Serena! He'd never see her again. But she probably wouldn't care either way._

* * *

  
Serena was sitting on her bed, playing with color swatches when she heard a crash. It sounded like shattering glass. Quickly she got up and ran to Darien's bedroom and switched on the light. Darien was sitting up and was crouched over, hold his face in his hands and breathing hard. He'd knocked the glass off the table and that's what she heard. "Darien?" She asked hesitantly as she made her way over to him, being careful not to step on any glass.

"I..had...a nightmare." He told her between shaky breaths. "It was so hot. So much fire." He panted.

"Shhhhh, the doctor said you might have nightmares, most trauma patients do." She said as she sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his back in a soothing manner. "He gave you sleeping pills so that you could sleep deeper and not have dreams." She told him. He'd changed position and now had his head on her shoulder, leaning into her. She embraced him for a few moments but had to pull away, her heart was starting to beat erratically. "Let me clean up this mess so on one steps on broken glass." she said as she pulled away and left him alone.

Darien watched her kneel down and pick up all the pieces that she could. For the first time, he noticed that she was wearing a silky nightgown with lacy straps. "What are you wearing?" He choked. "I thought you weren't having an affair?" He said, almost accusingly.

She looked up at him with an incredulous look on her face. "What, just because I've got no one to model means that I should sleep in dowdy grandma pajamas?" She said, feeling someone satisfied at his chagrined expression. "I wear them because they make me feel feminine. I like the feeling of sleeping in silk garments." She said with a shrug as she went into the bathroom to throw away the glass.

She took another towel and attempted to soak up the water from the carpet before going back into the bathroom and bringing him another glass, but this one plastic. It was the cup that went with his toothbrush set, one used to rinse with water. It would have to do for tonight. "Here, try not to break this one, will you?" She said as she left the room but quickly returned with something in her hand. "Here, take this. It will help you sleep." She told him.

He obliged. He didn't want to wake up again from that nightmare. She hadn't asked about the details, probably figured that he'd talk to her about them if he wanted to. It had been so real, he swore he could actually still feel the heat of the flames. "Will you stay with me?" He asked her, pleaded with her.

She didn't answer him for a few moments, she seemed to be weighing the question in her mind. "I shouldn't." She said quietly.

"But you want to?"

"No Darien, I'm not so eager to be caught again, no matter how sincere you are. So, just lie back and go back to sleep. I'm just down the hall." She said quickly and fled the room before he could rebuttal.

* * *

Yes, he was getting to her. But this wasn't a game. But it was good news, he knew that she still had feelings for him. He just had to encourage her to let those feelings come out. If all else failed, maybe he'd at least teach her that you couldn't bottle them up. Maybe in the end she'd just divorce him. Well, it would certainly be better for her, no matter how he'd hate it.

* * *

**AN:** OK WOOT! It's a little after 3 AM and I'm tired. But I knew I could NOT rest until I had this finished. I would have been done earlier, but I got distracted by some friends. Oh well, we all need distractions. But guess what, OVER 4000 words. So that rocks extremely. Ok I'm misstyping words now, not hitting the keys hard enough because I'm tired. So I'm going to save this up and zip it on over. Let me know what you think with some LOVELY reviews :)

3 Lorraine AKA SilverSerenity


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